time for a change

My little flu baby last week

[I wrote this yesterday morning at 1:30 am and I am already doing better!]

It’s 1:30 am and I’m up writing this down. I don’t feel like I will be able to go back to sleep until it’s out of my system.

Yesterday evening, I had a good cry in the Food Lion parking lot. Who, me? Miss Optimistic? Yea, buddy. I felt the anxiety building as I stood in line to pay for my groceries. I’ve felt this way several times over the past few months and it always seems to happen in the grocery store. Anyway, I had loaded my purchases into my car with tears brimming in my eyes. When I shut the car door, the tears came out and I took a minute to just cry. I’ve learned over the years that crying is good sometimes.

Then I picked up my phone and read Rick Warren’s daily devotional. It was about being happy with what you have, right now. It started to sink in that I need to be happy right now – it’s my choice. Did I already know this? Yes, but I needed a reminder.

What events led up to my parking lot meltdown? Well, it was Monday and I had been off work for 4 days, so it was catch up day. I took Thursday and Friday off to take care of our 6 month old son who came down with the flu. Thankfully, he did very well, but it was still a long 4 days of holding a fussy baby, then being up and down several times each night. Then, I came down with a cold Friday (maybe a mild case of the flu?) so that made me feel cruddy. Also, I didn’t take time to exercise today because I was “too busy.” I just wanted to get home and see my boys as quickly as possible. And, I did.

When it was all said and done and I had time to think about everything, I realized:

1. I’ve been blaming my job for my stress here lately.
B. I am the one who needs to be in control of my thoughts, actions, and emotions.
3. I have been way too passive and indecisive recently.
D. It’s time for a change!

Here’s my action plan for change:

A. Use my time more efficiently – at home and work.
2. Make time to exercise – no one is telling me NOT to. It’s such a big part of my lifestyle and my mood requires those endorphins.
C. Make time to meal plan. I’ve been struggling with bad food choices simply because I don’t spend enough time planning meals.
4. Be positive! I always preach this, but I must practice it.
E. Don’t expect perfection. I set such high expectations for myself and others – I don’t think anyone could live up to them. I have to scale it down a notch.

2 Corinthians 10:5 states “….and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” God has promised me (and you) great things…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22). He doesn’t want me moping around being sad. He made me into a strong, confident woman so I could fulfill my purpose as a happy wife, mom, and role model.

My job won’t always be so stressful. Probably about the time I get accustomed to the stress of work, then there will be a new form of stress in my life. I have to learn to adapt, modify, and overcome. I’m surprised I let it get me down this far. But, I’m happy my eyes were opened and now I know what I need to do! No more excuses.

[End note – I think post natal hormone changes and Seasonal Adjustment Disorder from lack of sunshine have played a part in my blue streak, too!]

My now THREE year old son wearing my clothes